The recent story about the victimization of #JanayPalmer by her lowlife fiance, now husband, #RayRice made my blood boil!
This sorry tale is so wrong on so many counts from the video to the late response from the NFL to the blaming of the media by Janay to the come to Jesus claims from Ray – everything about this picture is distorted!
I say that it is well past time that ALL women stop allowing themselves to be abused. Because allowing it, is the only way that it happens. If we ALL – EVERY SINGLE WOMAN – said absolutely, totally, positively, no way to ALL men that do not treat us well, then they would not exist. While I have had my share of emotional game players, I would drop a man flat before he could even think about hitting me.
I totally get it. You LOVE him. Or, at least, you Love the figment of imagination that this person represents to your Egoic mind. In that fantasy, he is a knight in shining armor, your soulmate, the One. You think this guy loves you and no one can tell you otherwise. But there is that gnawing feeling that something isn’t right. Just like the wolf in sheep’s clothing, the abusive beau/fiance/husband is waiting to bounce when your guard is down.
Abuse comes in many quises and can be tricky to recognize. Yet whether emotional or physical, abuse is abuse. It is just a matter of the degree. On the lower level of the abuse meter, there are the guys that say they love you, but won’t commit. Turn it up a notch and there are the ones, that aren’t really interested in anything other, than a sexual relationship with you. Then there are the ones that make constant demeaning remarks about your looks or otherwise undermine your confidence. Despite saying they “love you”, none of these guys even really like you and will leave you emotionally scarred.
But the worst of all, and the one that should never ever be tolerated, is any man that physically harms you. Slaps you, punches you, knocks your head into the dashboard, knocks you out in an elevator – this man is the king of abuse and should be imprisoned, not defended or married!
The legions of women with “daddy issues”, or other problems with men, are perfect prey for the abusive male. But you can and have to protect yourself. Here are some tips:
1. Practice radical Self Love and remember it’s you first, then everyone else. This can be a very hard thing to do for women, especially those that have abandonment issues or have been raised to be people pleasers. But it is the number one way to ensure that you are never the victim of abuse. Abusers depend on you putting them first and not holding yourself up as the Queen that you are.
2. For abuse to occur, you have to be a willing participant. Take responsibility for your happiness and your Life and do not tolerate anything other than the best for yourself.
3. Never ever BLAME yourself and never ever DEFEND your abuser. There IS NO EXCUSE and he has to go.
5. Accept that what is, is. He is not going to change, even if you wait years. Believe me, I once did and all it left me was heartbroken and single!
6. If you do have a bad experience, get back up, dust yourself off and start all over again! Leave immediately and work on the part of you that allowed this person to abuse you. If need be, get some therapy to help you explore it.
7. Once you lower yourself to a level where you are allowing men to abuse you, it can often become a pattern. Make sure to move on quickly and learn fast to avoid making yourself a target for abuse.
Rather than #WhyIStayed – I want to see women support each other with #WhyILeft or #WhyHeIsInJail!